Lullaby

Yesterday I was working and listening to my iTunes. The Dixie Chicks song 'Lullaby' came on. That song and many others immediately remind me of the boys' Bar Mitzvah videos. I used lots of my favorite songs in those videos. A few years back I had a drive crash and, apparently, Sammy's Bar Mitzvah video was on it. I could re-create the video pretty easily as I have all the photos in folders, and all the songs. Instead, I decided last night to use just that one song and make a video of Sammy, ages 0-18. I made one for Joey... I even made a video of Lily. Sammy deserves his own.

As some of you may know, Sammy is on a month long trip to Europe with friends. He left Monday afternoon. I miss him terribly. I thought I was going to be able to handle Sammy leaving home. I thought it would be easier because now I will not have to wonder where he is at 3:00am. I will not have to wonder if he made it to class... on time, or at all. I will not have to worry whether he turned in his homework--or got in trouble. He is off to college and in complete control of his own destiny. At 3:00am when I sit bolt upright in bed in panic and wonder, where is he (as I did for a couple weeks after we dropped Joey at college), I will lay back down and go back to sleep knowing he is at college, being his own person, doing what he wants to do, continuing his journey to who he will eventually be--on his own.

For now, that painful emptiness is just teasing me, because he is in Europe--not at college. This is just a precursor for what is to come. He will return and then we will say good-bye again and then our house will truly have a void. When both boys leave in August, Joey for his semester abroad in Amsterdam, and Sammy for college in Maine, we will be alone.

One day you get this great gift handed to you. A gift that comes with so much responsibility and yet such great joy. And then, you turn around, and they are grown. Here is a video that, in a little under 6 minutes, spans 18 years of my sweet, sweet, Sammy. This is one second child that does not lack for photos.

We Are So Proud

Five days ago, Sammy graduated High School!

I am not sure we could be more proud. This post is dedicated to sweet, sleepy, smart, sporty, sensitive Sammy.

He did it! Sammy graduated from High School. Phew! I’m not gonna say it was easy. It wasn’t. It wasn’t easy for Sammy and it wasn’t easy for us. Sammy had THE wickedest case of “senioritis.” There were moments when we questioned his ability to pull it off. But he did, indeed, pull it off and we are so proud of him for hanging in there.

This house will not be the same without the presence of Sammy Lubitz. The cats, oh those cats are going to miss hanging out on the leather sofa watching you play video games J

When you were 0

You were the sweetest, happiest, sleepiest little baby

and we fell in love the moment we laid eyes on you.

You got your first tooth and held your own bottle both at

the ripe old age of 4 months.

When you were 1

You charmed all the childcare staff and they spoiled you.

You were strong and happy, you watched everything your big brother did

and you wanted so desperately to keep up with him.

Your first word was ball and the next was blue

and you loved all balls, big and small.

When you were 2

You had THE most beautiful blond curls

and the biggest brown eyes, and you didn’t go

anywhere without a Hot Wheels car or a Thomas

The Tank Engine in your pocket. Your favorite

book was The Runaway Bunny.

When you were 3

You made friends at preschool and you were loyal.

You loved kicking, throwing, and bouncing balls

wherever and whenever you could and you

refused to learn to swim (a running Lubitz Brother theme).

When you were 4

You refused to wear a peach colored shirt

because you said that color was for girls.

You learned to ride a bike without training wheels,

you took your first tennis lesson, and you got your

first “buzz” cut because you wanted straight hair like

your brother and your best friend. You would have

nothing to do with girls.

When you were 5

You started playing t-ball and soccer and

learning Japanese. You made new best friends

and you started honing your mischievous side.

You took one piano lesson and decided right away

that you did not want to play the piano.

You loved collecting rocks and found shiny ones

to store in your pockets. Every night you begged me

to read you Harry Potter.

When you were 6

T-ball turned into baseball and we realized

you could play every position on the field with skill.

You loved being a soccer goalie and you learned to read.

You started taking tennis lessons every week (and never

stopped). You traveled to Japan for the very first time.

When you were 7

You were told you had to play all soccer positions

(not just goalie), so you quit the team and focused

on baseball. Your love of video games was

born in earnest and you spent every possible moment

with your best friends (no girls).

When you were 8

You begged to play tackle football and we begrudgingly

agreed. You played both Fall and Spring baseball.

You traveled to Japan for the second time and even

had your own business cards. By third grade it was obvious

school was not your favorite place to be and your 3^rd

grade Japanese teacher told us you often slept in class, but

somehow managed to ace every test. This would also

become a running theme.

When you were 9

You continued playing football, Fall and Spring baseball and

it became obvious school was not your favorite, but you went

diligently in order to spend as much time with your friends as possible.

You took up the Bass Guitar.

When you were 10

You continued playing football and you took up soccer again in the Fall.

You traveled to Japan for the third time. You gave up baseball, temporarily.

You graduated from elementary school.

When you were 11

You played your 4^th year of football, you started playing basketball

on the school team, and you continued playing goalie on the soccer team.

You started middle school.

When you were 12

You played your 5^th and final year of football. You did an absolutely

amazing job at your Bar Mitzvah ceremony chanting both your Torah

and Haftarah portions. You had a party and invited every single one of your

classmates because you didn’t want anyone to feel left out. The inflatable

sumo ring you picked out was a big hit! You continued playing basketball

and soccer and loving it.

When you were 13

You traveled to Japan for the 4^th time. You came home from Japan and

gave an awesome presentation comparing American and Japanese

Automobiles. You graduated from the Japanese Magnet Program having

been on the honor roll every single grading period and you made the decision

to follow your brother to Catlin Gabel for High School. You played basketball

and you decided to play baseball again in preparation for Catlin. You were an

amazing closing pitcher, catcher, first baseman, and one of their best hitters.

Your team came in 2^nd in district and went to the state tournament.

When you were 14

After taking tests, being interviewed and being accepted, you started

your Freshman year at Catlin Gabel School. You made new

friends. You went on outdoor trips and played basketball and baseball.

When you were 15

You played basketball and baseball and continued your nearly lifelong

habit of spending absolutely as much time as possible with your friends.

We didn’t take it personally. You inherited Nana Fern/Papa Skip’s

1966 Thunderbird (which went immediately to the mechanic).

When you were 16

You made me the most beautiful bench in woodworking class.

You traveled to Japan for the 5^th time and you said good-bye

to your brother as he headed off to college. Your friends became

even more important to you and we understood. You played

basketball and tennis. You attended the winter formal... with

a girl J

When you were 17

You took the SAT exam. You struggled with motivation and had

a hard time making it to class and getting your homework in,

but at the same time, your artistry as a filmmaker became apparent.

You attended your Junior Prom. You got your nose broken at basketball

camp playing flag football and other than practicing basketball and tennis,

you took the rest of the summer off.

When you were 18

You started the college application process and

you realized you would, in fact, need to go to class in order to graduate.

You decided to go to Bates College in Maine. You went to the Senior Prom.

You played tennis doubles most awesomely and walked away from the OSAA

State Tennis Tournament with an outstanding 3^rd place finish. You received the

Media Arts Award for your filmmaking and you graduated High School. Your C&C deemed

you the strongest person they know, most likely due to your recent obsession

with weightlifting and for your Catlin Gabel Upper School Arm Wrestling

Championship Title. You left for Europe.

Sammy, despite our constant fretting and worrying over you, we adore everything about you. You are kind, sensitive, strong, athletic, loyal, intelligent, witty and oh, so handsome. We hope all your dreams come true and we miss you so much. After putting this down on "paper", I also realize how much we will miss watching you play sports. I am currently thinking of buying a place in Maine J.